A Special Music Teacher

A Special Music Teacher

When I was in primary grades in the small school atop a high hill in Hollister, Mo., Mrs. Bartholomew was our music teacher. Her primary responsibility was teaching high school choir and band classes, but once or twice a week, all the grade-school children were treated to general music class with Mrs. Bartholomew.

She taught us rhythm using sticks and tambourines, and pitch using her old upright piano. I later became a pretty good vocalist, and I give her the credit for putting up with my croaking as a youngster.

I have two main memories of those early music classes: fear and fun. Fear came from the imposing presence of that lady, who was short of stature but iron of will. She had a paddle with holes drilled in it that we kids came to call the "swiss cheese paddle." We were sure she had the holes drilled in it to cut down wind resistance when it was applied to the backside of an offender. The fun came from Mrs. Bartholomew's selection of music. We sang the "Yo heave ho" from the Volga Boat Song and the "knapsack on my back" from The Happy Wanderer.

But one of my favorites of those songs we sang just for fun was Yes! We Have No Bananas! Its lyrics, written by Frank Silver and Irving Cohn in 1922, reminded me of the shopkeepers and merchants in nearby Branson. They might not have what you were looking for, but they would be the last to admit it.

We kids loved singing those comical words, especially emphasizing the chorus:

There's a fruit store on our street,
It's run by a Greek,
And he keeps good things to eat,
But you should hear him speak!
When you ask him anything --
He never answers "no,"
He just "yes"-es you to death
And as he takes your dough,
He tells you:

Chorus:
YES! We have no bananas!
We have no bananas today!
We've string beans and HON-ions,
Cab-BAH-ges and scallions,
And all kinds of fruit -- and say,
We have an old-fashioned to-MAH-to,
Long Island po-TAH-to,
But YES! We have no bananas!
We have no bananas today!

Bus'ness got so good for him
That he wrote home to say
"Send me Pete and Nick and Jim;
I need help right away."
When he got them in the store,
There was fun, you bet.
Someone asked for "sparrow grass"
And then the whole quartet
All answered:

YES! We have no bananas!
We have no bananas today!
Just try those coconuts,
Those wall-nuts and doughnuts,
there ain't many nuts like they.
We'll sell you two kinds of red herring
Dark brown, and ball-bearing,
But YES! We have no bananas!
We have no bananas today!

I lost track of Mrs. Bartholomew in later years, but if I could speak to her today, I would thank her for helping me develop a deep-rooted love of music. Those songs we sang just for fun will always make me smile as I remember her music room back in the Good Old Days.